And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
