I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
