Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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