Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
