Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
