Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
