Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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