All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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