wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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