Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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