Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
