dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You made out with two different species that night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
