if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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