Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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