I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
