I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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