Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
