Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
