I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
someone owes me an orgasm
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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