Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
