Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
