We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
