He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
