Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
even my farts smell like vagina
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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