ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
