somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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