Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
