They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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