his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
