I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
