I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
