I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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