my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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