Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
