I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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