Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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