you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
