roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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