I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
