Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
