don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
