Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Found your dick twin last night
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
