Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
