Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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