I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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