He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
