so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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