Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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