The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
