he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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