If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We are all done wearing pants today
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