and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
