I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
